For Better or Worse as in IS IT BETTER IF SHE’S HOTTER THAN U OR BETTER IF SHE’S A L-O-S-E-R Compared to u!?!?

Sooo at first after I saw photos of the cheap, unemployed for decades, fatass, Complete LOSER SLUT my husband cheated on me with I was instantly RELIEVED…Gag, damn im HOT SHIT COMPARED TO THAAAATTTT. no problemo! I honestly believed it was better that not one thing about her intimidates me or makes me jealous. NOT ONE, REALLY! i would actually be able to enjoy being in a common place around her bc its comical how far he “affaired DOWN”!!! sooo her body SUX with a capital S, we call her “Fatty”, remember…on her facebook pics shes THAT WOMAN WITH HER TODDLER AT CHRISTMAS OPENING GIFTS WITH A BIG CIG IN HAND AND NOT EVEN TRYING TO HIDE IT FOR THE CAMERA! roflmao! Not kidding. Pure TRASH. PWT should be her initials! Her own hubby referred to himself as “her meal ticket” (BAHAHAHA) bc she has NOTHING WO HIM except for a lotta skin and alcohol problem!……sooooo now at almost 9 months since the man i trusted with my heart, shattered it to a million pieces i think im changing my mind…..

I think i wish she were a successful businesswoman thats SMOKIN’ HOT AS HELL! yep, for past couple months no way in hell have i wanted ANY (notta, really NONE) sex from my husband and i used to CRAVVEEE IT bc i will admit ive always thought he was pretty amazing in bed! And he Was/IS IM SURE BUT MADE A HUGE DIFF THAT I WAS COMPLETELY UNINHIBITED about my sexuality with Him!!! I mean shit id birthed 4 of his babies, been with him over a decade and had only had his dick since the tender age of twenty fucking one! Hell, dont even remember ANYTHING VIVIDLY ABOUT ANYONE ELSE PRIOR NOW! really, in my head-yes we had our problems (who wouldnt with 4 kids under age 5–twins last!)….but no matter what i thought we loved each other unconditionally! Yes, i own it i was a stressed out beeeeeatch at times but i didnt want to go home to anyone else in the world other than my husband/father of my precious babies!! REALLY NOT ONCE DID I THINK OF WHAT IT MIGHT BE LIKE TO BE WITH ANOTHER MAN! not fucking once! Cross my heart and hope to die! (not funny these days actually, i dont mind sometimes if i do die as long as i just dont wake up…would never intentionally hurt myself but if my time were to come since ive been cheated on then SO BE IT! this SUX! :(…ok back on track—soooo ive now determined i am extremely TURNED OFF that MY HUSBAND (who i always found really very sexy) would even WANT TO FUCK FATTY?!?! GAG! i mean had I Been the one to risk everything u can bet ur sweet ass he woulda been some sexy doctor or shit just at least sexy with A J-O-B!! even if he was flippin pancakes at cracker barrel (and im cool with that–its a J-O-B…really! He would be contributing to society in SOME WAY) and he would also be hot or cute or SHIT SOMETHING BESIDES THE FOLLOWING:
1.a fatass
2.a coke snorter (ive never done anything but drink and smoke cigs in college so this is just absurd to me!
3. Alcoholic-drunk by noon per HER HUSBAND—passed out on couch by noon on his birthday in front of their 4 year old! OOOH CLASSSYYY!
4. poses with cigs making surfer dude hand signals in photos and shes several years older than me..pushin 40 and still “hangin loose” or wtf ever that hand motion is in her pix with her loser trashies on fb. Rofl.
5. Wrinkled like an old alligator skin purse from tanning bed. Lol. She looks like she may own one. U know one of those losers that cant pay the RENT or OWN but by God they drag a tanning bed from duplex to duplex! Ok cracking myself up. She really is THIS COOOOL. LOL.

Soooooo u get the point. Im turned OFF by my husband and prior to fatty and god only knows who else (my gut KNOWS there r more that he WILL take to the grave w/him but im very intuitive and my heart, my soul, every fiber of my being tells me there were others and hes just a damn DAMN DAAAAMMMNNNN GOOD LIAR) i was sooooo into sex with him. I yearned to be with him when he travelled and the distance just made me hornier. Id send him trashy pics of me/sext him but i think all i was doing was making MYSELF HORNY. he didnt need me he had fatty ridin him like the overweight SCREAMIN'(i demanded details and hubs said she scared shit outta him screaming when she came…he even said it was freaky shit)like shes riding a buckin’ bronco at the rodeo! Oh but it woulda had to be a glow in the dark rodeo bc my husband never fucked her with the lights on bc SHE WAS GROSSSS…oh how fun it was to male sure she realized WHY it was always darker than shit when he fucked her!;). Anyway, i hate what has been taken from me without MY CONSENT…my urge to make passionate love to my husband. Im trying to reconcile and not even CLOSE to being ABOUT TO HEAL but i dont desire our sex life that was once so intimate and down right HOT to me:(! He still of course knows my body bc i had so much trust for him i could literally hold a book and read directions to my g-spot while he finds it–sooo while he knows DAMN WELL HOW TO PLEASE ME im just DOWN RIGHT TURNED OFF. I dont desire our sex anymore. I hope it will come back but its been gone for a good 2 months:(. Again, if i could choose to NEVER KNOW MY HUSBAND WASNT THE MAN I BELIEVED I WOULD NEVER KNOW! too painful. Id much rather be the dumbass wife thats clueless and everyone at his office parties make fun of for being so clueless! In fact id give a pinky finger or a toe or two to be able to get this HELL ERASED PERMANANTLY FROM MY MEMORIES and he do whatever bc he was happier person when he was deceiving me! Twisted, fucked up but ALL SO TRUE. Seriously, why the hell would i lie on an Anonymous therapeutic blog that i dont care if ANYONE EVER READS!:(



Sleeping With the Enemy.

Dream on, Fatty!Ohhh Fatty I know u wish u not only had my husband but also my ass that is half the size of yours! Dream on porker!

i honestly dont want a divorce. i never even THOUGHT TWICE about any other fucking man before he cheated on me with a nasty, fatass,skank, unemployeed alcoholic LOSER BITCH. really this chick puts the KANK IN SKANK! an old high school days “drinkin buddy” is why (per our therapist) his drunk ass didnt notice that ummm SHE’S a fatty! bahaha. thats what ive named her, Fatty. even HER own husband saw pix of me on FB and asked if ive “seen his wife”…he continues with a “she’s gotten fat. you are hot.DO NOT SWEAT THE FAT GIRLS”…swear. exact words. BUT 9months into this hell called MY FUCKING SHITTY LIFE I DONT SWEAT THE FAT BITCH…NEVER DID.shes rank…but i DO SWEAT THE FACT THAT i look at the man (9.5mos ago i woulda said u were CRAZY if someone asked if i think we’d ever fall out of love and divorce) i married 13 years ago in june and see “the enemy”…i dont hate him, but i honestly dont know that i love him anymore either. And the worst part of it all is that i truly WANT TO…but Cant! He hurt me so deeply and since i have found more lies in his past that i know deep down he’s been fucking me over for years while he travelled. i obviously am not even going to TRY to prove it bc i already know it and know unless i can PROVE IT BIG TIME HES JUST GONNA DO WHAT HE DOES…LIE.I gave him 200% trust bc he was such a great husband..oftentimes–even WHILE he was fucking Fatty on the road I felt he was far too good of a husband for me…now I know he was just a mother fucking DAMN GOOD LIAR!:(. I have lost so much respect for the man i once had NOTHING BUT RESPECT FOR and last weekend he took ambien w/whiskey and doesnt remember coming to pretend to come tuck me in and rub my back to grab my xanax (i am peracribed by my doc)…he was eating them like candy..passed out in my 5:40am i was screaming for our 13yo to call 911 while i tried to bring him “to”!!! he was combative with paramedics and cops as the carried him to the stretcher in our kitchen..i recall the officer telling him they WILL take him to jail after hospital if he doesnt cooperate. it scared the hell out of me. i didnt want to lose him to stupidity but when he was coherent it was hard to not be livid! WTF? He chose to have the affair that has broken my heart in a million pieces yet HE is always the one in “such fucking pain”…BULLSHIT! It is really hard to not be completely turned OFF after seeing this “stranger” in the combative/blackout state he was in. He truly doesnt seem to have it in him to help me navigate thru this HELL…He is often an asshole and last night with the falllike weather being my fave time with family i triggered hard. wanted to puke, stuck like i cant breathe and all i got from him was “my god its been 9 fucking months and we arent any further than day one…just decide one way or the other already”. In the world of a betrayed, shattered wife of 13 years/mother of his 4 children,9 MONTHS ISNT SHIT!!! I am really feeling hopeless right now and starting to ponder what life would be like post-divorce. still NOT what i WANT… but i also dont want a lying, cheating fuck that is completely underestimating the terrible pain i wake up to every damn day. its like he thinks im just holding onto it to spite him! omg..cant eat, cant sleep, i am not enjoying any of this shit and now im about to sob my ass off in the tub while i write this bc i feel so stuck and all i want is the man i once THOUGHT i married but i cant even get him back bc he was a lie. I really feel like im suffocating. i wish id never caught him bc this is the most painful thing ive ever experienced in my life. and Fatty…u can kiss my much skinnier than yous
ass!! oh AND DESIGNER JEAN WEARIN’ ass that a) u cant afford and b) they dont come in sizes for YOU so doesnt make a damn bit of diff if u COULD AFFORD THEM (which u will never be able to as long as you r a coke snortin, unemployeed alcoholic, homewrecking whore!;) honestly u can have him tonight for all I care…hes just a liar and a cheat…and im tired of SLEEPING WITH THE ENEMY.

Maybe he WANTS me to give up??hmmm….

Any progress ive made after WH’s A hes managed to screw up times 10 about as fast as u can blink an eye! Now i was to point of “neutral” and starting to feel a tiny bit closer to him when BAM all hell breaks loose bc i mention needing to pull some long hours at work which is my company and ive been sucking wind the past 6 months bc of the PAIN HE HAS CAUSED ME…and he tells me im choosing biz over family! He literally cussed me out the door after he TOLD ME TO PLZ GO TO WORK bc he didmt want to look at me! I have never been so ready to CALL IT QUITS IN MY LIFE! he is really making me HAVE NO IDEA IF i still feel ANYTHING for this IMPOSSIBLE MAN WHO BROKE MY HEART in a million pieces. Really considering giving up. I wont ALLOW him to bring me ANY LOWER. HES TAKEN THE LOVE OF MY LIFE, my trust, my self worth, my appetite, my passion, my LOVE FOR THE FATHER of my babies, my comfort of my 100 year old family home that was my DREAM HOME (now it represents so much PAIN), any sense of security (which i had a LOT OF)…and i WILL NOT LET HIM AND THAT WHORE TAKE MY CREATIVITY AND BUSINESS that i worked my ASS off for 5 years to establish! He cant have ANYTHING literally like a hallow persom walking around or a corpse with a pulse but he CAN TAKE NO MORE. im drawing line in the sand and i wont allow myself to even take any more pain/meanness/his guilt talking and cussing me! Its time to find MYSELF UNDER THIS PAIN AND MOVE ON!! i dont know HOW to get back up but hes such an asshole that keeps hurting me deeper and deeper that i feel so dumb for being so heartbroken. Really thinking MAYBE he IS TRYING TO RUN ME OFF! cuz hes ALREADY PUSHED ME FARTHER AWAY THAN IVE BEEN YET ON THIS JOURNEY THRU HELL WITH HIM!?!? i just dont think ill ever feel i know this person i THOUGHT i married and it truly pains me to point of no words!

Hell on earth.

Well..ive been living in what i can only describe as “hell on earth” since 2/14/11 when i caught my husband of then 12 years, now 13 years, cheating on me with some whore from his past who was also married with one kiddo…we have four. I honestly have felt deep down he hated me for some reason but i never knew he could hate me this much. My adhd and creative brain i know has been a challenge but not once, notta, did i ever think he would hurt me so deeply and have so little respect for the woman who carried and birthed the children i know he adores more than life itself. He is a great daddy. I thought he was a great husband that loved me. I truly just thought the “gerbil wheel of life” or this “season of marriage” was just a little derailed. Now that all our kiddos were self sufficent for most part (at least not shit finger painting anymore like our twins did:)) i was READY! i MISSED MY HUSBAND DEEPLY. i thought my stupid job was the biggest obstacle and i found a counselor and was telling my friend the week of our appt how ready i was to own my shit. I had been pulled in far too many directions and bc my hubby was at one point in time about the only one other than myself not shitting his pants i had failed him as a wife. I still own that. Yes, absolutely we had lost our way and i wanted to be a more loving wife and less guarded and let him know how loved and appreciated he was even though at times i resented the shit outta him for leaving nearly every week and not looking back. EVERYTHING WAS LEFT TO ME FOR NEARLY 4 years during the weeks. And i own my own biz too. I was so pumped my life was becoming clear. We needed a little direction and to make time for me to learn to balance my many tasks better! I was soooo excited to find “us” again i was giddy at work when i thought of him…i wanted him morning noon and night (he had been too tired all the time when once we had a kick ass sex life)…i had BUTTERFLIES AGAIN FOR MY HUSBAND AFTER 12 years! I felt stupid & childish but inside soooo just warm and fuzzy and ready to date my husband again….when BAM….everything i was looking forward to turned to a big huge pile of dogshit within a matter of about 15 minutes on valentine’s day wee hours of the morning when “Fatty” sent a fb message to my sleeping husband just as i was standing by the nightstand putting on my robe!!! That’s when i was thrown headfirst into the DEPTHS OF HELL…and truthfully i dont know that i can climb out. INFIDELITY IS THE BIGGEST MINDFUCK ANYONE CAN SLAP THEIR SPOUSE WITH. i am still pissed off every morning to wake up and realize this NIGHTMARE is MY LIFE, OUR LIFE…TBC…this blog is nothing more than my own therapy. Im certain ill offend people with my language and pain but feel free to speak ur mind and call me out when and if anyone sees fit. Im broken all to hell, my mind is unrecognizeable even to ME so its safe to say there will be plenty of times im NOT IN MY RIGHT MIND!:( no denying that one, folks!!!

If they say JUMP, did your spouse have to say HOW HIGH?!?!

Haha! Found this man’s analogy on SI Forum last nite. Its great!!…i had to share as well as thank him for actually making me laugh once yesterday!!!

The biological urge to have sex is to cheating as the biological urge to poop is to smearing shit on the walls.
There’s a lot of crazy going around but not everyone is jumping off bridges.